Adopting an Older Child
In her new book, Welcome Home, Forever Child, author, adoption expert and mom Christine Mitchell describes some of the issues facing families adopting older children.
Commitment: Welcome Home, Forever Child is a beautifully written and illustrated children's book which celebrates children adopted as toddlers, preschoolers and older. What inspired you to write this book?
Christine Mitchell: Several years ago my husband and I adopted our younger daughter from foster care at the age of four. I searched for special adoption book to give her on our Adoption Day. However, virtually all the children’s adoption books reflected infant adoptions. The couple of existing books that portrayed older child adoptions dealt with the emotional and behavioral difficulties that are common in such adoptions. I was looking for an upbeat book that celebrated the new addition to the family. Not finding such a book, I decided to write one myself.
Commitment: Welcome Home, Forever Child acknowledges many of the missed “firsts” when an older child is adopted, i.e., her first step, her first word. Is this a common concern among those families which have adopted older children?
Christine: I think that adoptive parents often feel some sadness at not having parented their child from birth, and not having been able to protect them from early traumas. Similarly, children are often bothered that they did not grow in their adoptive mom’s ‘tummy’. They may also be frustrated at not having baby pictures and not knowing what their first words were.
Commitment: Your book points out that there are still many firsts (first day of middle school, first time riding a horse, etc.) that an adoptive family will share. How important is it to emphasize the future with an older adopted child?
Christine: There are all kinds of losses involved in adoption. I felt it was important to acknowledge the lack of a shared history from the child’s early years, while also emphasizing the potential for many future shared memories. Looking forward to future events together also helps reinforce the concept of permanence.
Commitment: The title of your book makes clear that an adoptive family is a forever family. Is the issuance of permanence something that worries older adoptees?
Christine: The issue of permanence is a huge concern for many, if not most, older child adoptees. The average child would never dream that they could suddenly lose their parents, siblings, home, pets, friends, and toys. Kids who have been removed from their birth family and have endured multiple placements know that it can happen over and over again, at any time, without any warning, regardless of what adults have said previously.
The three main purposes of this book were to assure children that they were (and are) very much wanted, to celebrate older child adoption, and to assure them of their permanent place in the family.
Commitment: By including lines such as, “We'll do out best to calm your fears, and we'll be there to dry your tears,” you acknowledge that there is a period of adjustment after an adoption. How important is it for adopting parents to understand that it may take a while for a child to love her new family?
Christine: It is critical for the adoptive parents to understand that any ‘honeymoon’ period will likely be followed by emotional and behavioral issues, ranging from mild to severe. They need to know that the child is grieving multiple losses and may have attachment issues.
It is often said of older child adoption that ‘love is not enough’. True, it goes a long way in helping child heal, but parents also need to do some research and have realistic expectations. They need to seek out resources to help their child, including therapy.
Commitment: In its delightful rhyming way, Welcome Home, Forever Child makes clear the blessings of adoption. Did you write this book to help adoptive parents as well as adoptive children?
Christine: I think it helps parents in the sense that it is a useful tool in the process of bonding with their new child. It is also a reminder to parents of how much they wanted this child, which may be helpful in the midst of a difficult adjustment period. An additional benefit to children is that it helps normalize older child adoption. As kids see older child adoption reflected more in books, they will realize that they are not the only child that this has happened to. With this in mind, my second children’s book featuring older child adoption will be out in April 2009, titled Family Day: Celebrating Ethan’s Adoption Anniversary. Here is a brief summary:
5 year-old Ethan and his family commemorate the first anniversary of his adoption, they reminisce about the joy and excitement of that special event. As the day progresses they pause to think about Ethan’s birth family and to look through his Lifebook. Along the way, Ethan’s curiosity leads to discussions which help him conclude that adoption is a wonderful way to build families.
Commitment: Your illustrations are delightful! Why did you use cats instead of people in this book?
Christine: When considering the illustrations for this book, I wanted to portray an ethnically diverse family, because many adoptions are transracial. But I wanted to appeal to all families regardless of their particular ethnic backgrounds. So I chose to have each cat look different in color, or the absence/absence of stripes. In my new book Family Day, I chose to use humans to portray a transracial older child adoption.
Christine Mitchell lives in California with her two children; one through the miracle of birth and one through the miracle of adoption. To learn more about adoption or to contact Christine, visit her website, www.christine-mitchell.com.
To purchase Welcome Home, Forever Child, click here.
