Dr. Peter L. Benson explains how each of us, whether a parent or not, can help young people thrive!

In his book, Parent, Teacher, Mentor, Friend, Peter L. Benson, Ph.D. explains how every caring adult can change the life of a new person!

CommitmentNow.com:  Your book, Parent, Teacher, Mentor, Friend:  How Every Adult Can Change Kids’ Lives is a call to action, inviting every caring adult to change the life of a young person.  What inspired you to write this book?

Peter L. Benson, Ph.D.:  Relationships with adults are critical for the healthy development of our nation’s youth. Research shows over and over again that young people benefit in profound ways when adults stay connected and engaged for longer than a year. I wrote Parent, Teacher, Mentor, Friend as a national call to action because research also shows that most 12-18 year olds have no long-term and meaningful relationships with adults outside their family. That’s a big problem, but it can be solved if we can provide adults with practical and easy ways to connect to kids. That’s what I hope to do with this book.

CommitmentNow.com:  What kind of impact can an adult have on the life of a child?

Peter:  Adults have the potential to matter in so many ways. The acts of listening, serving as a role model, being a cheerleader for things well done, and opening doors to support and opportunities are all precious resources for our kids. Furthermore, critical life issues like positive values are best learned by watching how caring adults make their moral and value decisions. To learn these lessons requires sustained engagement with adults.

CommitmentNow.com:  Most of us know how important it is to create a positive environment for children in our own homes.  Is it just as important to help create positive communities for young people?

Peter:  Yes, positive communities are also critical for healthy development. Ideally, every environment that nurtures our kids—neighborhoods, schools, families, businesses, after-school programs—are places of warmth and attentiveness, treating our young as resources to be nourished rather than problems to be managed or fixed. It starts with mobilizing adults to move toward kids rather than away from them.

CommitmentNow.com:  You have a chapter called “In 30 Seconds or Less.”  How can brief interactions really impact young people?

Peter:  Little things such as using names, making eye contact, saying hello, expressing gratitude, and simply starting a conversation are a big deal. You never know which encounter will change a young person’s life.

The small acts add up. Kids can’t get enough of this kind of attention. These efforts connect young people to place, tradition, and the possibilities in life. This is how we show them they belong, they matter, and they are valuable. These moments are like threads that unite to create a beautiful tapestry.

CommitmentNow.com:  What are some of the ways adults can positively affect the life of a child or teen?

Peter:  My book provides 150 tips for adults, with each adding something important to a young person’s development. Some are quick and others take time. Readers will find tips that are just perfect for them. Here are brief samples:

• If you hire a teen for a frequent job such as mowing your lawn or babysitting, use the opportunity to form a lasting connection. Check up to see how things are going personally.

• Text a message of encouragement or a simple “Good morning! I hope you have a wonderful day!” and do it often. If you don’t know how to send texts, ask a teen to teach you how.

• Ask a young person this question: “What book are you reading now? May I borrow it after you’re done?” Once you’ve read it, reconnect to discuss it. You may even consider starting a book club that includes teenagers as well as adults.

• Whenever you get a chance, ask a teenager for an opinion on something you are struggling with (for example, a conflict in your office, a school policy issue, a moral dilemma).

• When you see a kid working hard at something, say how impressed you are.

• Praise parents when they set clear boundaries, communicate kindly with their children, or show other signs of good parenting.

• When you pass kids on a sidewalk, make eye contact and wear an expression that suggests you’re glad they are on the planet.

• Buy a glass at every lemonade stand, even if you’re not thirsty.

CommitmentNow.com:  You are the president and CEO of Search Institute.  What kind of work does Search Institute do?

Peter:  Search Institute is a very unique organization. Our vision is a world where all young people thrive. We have a team of social scientists that does groundbreaking work on discovering what kids need to succeed in school and life. We develop print and on-line resources to help families, schools, faith communities, neighborhoods and youth programs be the best they can be for our kids. We provide hundreds of training events each year to help professionals, volunteers and other adults to light a fire locally to build connections with kids. We help communities assess their strengths and evaluate their impact. All of these strands or work—and more—can be accessed at http://www.search-institute.org/.