The Lazy, Hazy…Anxious? Days of Summer: What Every Parent Should Know Before Sending Kids to Summer Camp!

For many children, the prospect of leaving home can be more distressing than it is exciting. That’s why Todd Patkin says it’s crucial for parents to know the basics of alleviating separation anxiety—and how to tell if your child's fears are unhealthy.

School’s out, temperatures are rising, and the outdoors are beckoning…and that means that across the country, kids and their parents are gearing up for day camps and sleep-away camps. The problem is, not all soon-to-be campers are excited about their summer schedules. Some children are unsure about spending so much time away from their homes and parents…and some are downright terrified by the prospect. Yes, most children experience some degree of separation anxiety, and many eventually learn to deal with the absence of their parents without experiencing undue stress. However, assuming that your homesick child will “get over it” might be a false—and even dangerous—assumption to make.

“I know from firsthand experience, as well as subsequent study, that separation anxiety can be more than just a harmless childhood phase,” says Todd Patkin, author of the new book Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and—Finally—Let the Sunshine In, we need to be careful that we aren’t unwittingly harming our children by trying to make them stronger, or by expecting them to do what we did or what all of the neighbors’ children are doing.”

Before sending your children away from home this summer, read on to learn how to spot separation anxiety and how you may be able to alleviate it if it appears, provided it isn’t severe.

How to Alleviate Non-Severe Separation Anxiety

Talk it over with your child. Before signing up for any camp or an away-from-home activity, talk to your child about it. Ask him how he’s feeling and what he thinks about these plans. Above all, be sure to acknowledge your child’s feelings as legitimate. Even if you don’t believe there’s any real reason for him to be upset, remember that his feelings and fears are very real in his own mind.

Realize that some amount of separation anxiety is normal. Yes, listen to your child and give her wishes some weight. Also realize, though, that at some point you’re likely to hear some variation on the “Mom, Dad, don’t leave me—I’ll miss you!” theme from any youngster. The timing and duration vary, but every child experiences some level of stress when facing a separation from his or her loved ones—so there might be no need to panic. The fact is, no matter how independent or self-possessed your child is, chances are she’ll probably be reluctant to leave you. That’s normal.

Look for causes. While almost every child does experience some degree of separation anxiety, these feelings don’t always originate within the child. They can also be caused or exacerbated by outside circumstances. If your child is feeling distressed for another reason, he’ll be in need of extra comfort and security…which can easily lead to a stronger-than-usual desire to be with his parents in familiar surroundings.

Practice shorter separations. If your child is apprehensive about being away from you and from home, it makes sense to work your way up to longer separations. (Think about it this way—if you’re not an experienced runner, you wouldn’t jump straight into running a marathon, would you?) Depending on your child’s age and level of homesickness, practice short separations—maybe just an hour or two to start—and increase their duration, taking into account your child’s reactions.

Stay calm and positive. You’ve probably noticed that negativity, pessimism, and worry tend to breed more of the same—and it should come as no surprise that this trend holds true when it comes to your children. If your prospective camper voices worries, acknowledge them, but don’t feed into them by adding your own apprehensions to the pile. (And certainly don’t bring up worrisome what-ifs yourself—for example, “I just don’t know how I’m going to make it a whole week without you here, Junior!”)

Let your child take “home” with him. Your child may be traveling miles away, but there’s no reason why she needs to leave home behind altogether. Send familiar objects with her, such as a favorite stuffed animal, a small picture of you, and phone numbers. She’ll feel less cut off from everything that’s familiar, and will therefore be less likely to experience severe homesickness. It’s even better if she can go to camp with a friend from home.

Don’t be too quick to provide an out. When dealing with separation anxiety, this is often the hardest line of all for parents to walk. If your child is upset and emotional and begs to be with you, you’d need to have a heart of stone not to be affected. Many parents soon give in to their child’s pleading rather than endure their own resulting anguish! 

About the Authors:

Todd Patkin grew up in Needham, Massachusetts. After graduating from Tufts University, he joined the family business and spent the next eighteen years helping to grow it to new heights. After it was purchased by Advance Auto Parts in 2005, he was free to focus on his main passions: philanthropy and giving back to the community, spending time with family and friends, and helping more people learn how to be happy. Todd lives with his wonderful wife, Yadira, their amazing son, Josh, and two great dogs, Tucker and Hunter.  Visit Todd at http://www.toddpatkin.com/

Dr. Howard J. Rankin is the creator of http://www.scienceofyou.com/ and founder and president of the American Brain Association. He is a licensed clinical psychologist with a private psychotherapy practice, the Rankin Center for Neuroscience and Integrative Health, on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. He has written five books and coauthored two more, including the bestselling Inspired to Lose. His video and workbook The Five Secrets of Lifestyle Change were released in early 2011.