The Social and Emotional Challenges Gifted Students Face
Too few friends? Teachers and parents who expect them to be perfect? Learn how to help gifted children develop both their talents and their social skills and avoid misconceptions that can trap them in depression
Jim Delisle, Ph.D. and Judy Galbraith, M.A., authors of When Gifted Kids Don't Have All The Answers: How to Meet Their Social and Emotional Needs discuss the 'myth of elitism' that can inhibit gifted students, along with the unique pressures on girls and minority students who are gifted. "Gifted students’ desire to belong and be accepted is as strong as for any other child, but they tend to have more anxiety about it.
Some of the specific social pressures facing gifted students include: overcoming the barriers of others’ expectations, becoming an advocate for their own self-interests, and understanding the role socialization plays in their lives."
Commitmentnow.com: What challenges do gifted kids face that most people are not aware of?
Judy Galbraith, M.A.: Interviews with gifted and talented students revealed eight common challenges, also known as the “Eight Great Gripes of Gifted Kids,” these are:
• No one explains what being gifted is all about—it’s kept a big secret.
• School is too easy and too boring.
• Parents, teachers, and friends expect gifted kids to be perfect all the time.
• Friends who really understand them are few and far between.
• Kids often tease them about being smart.
• They feel overwhelmed by the number of things they can do in life.
• They feel different and alienated.
• They worry about world problems and feel helpless to do anything about them.
Commitmentnow.com: What is the “myth of elitism” related to gifted students—and how does this myth hurt gifted children?
Ms. Galbraith: The myth of elitism is the belief that gifted education and gifted educators set apart gifted students from their peers, alienate the gifted students, and build feelings of inferiority among the so-called average students.
But we make adjustments for our students who have trouble performing to grade-level standards, so why shouldn’t we provide the same attentive care to our students who are performing above the standards?
Gifted students who receive services that challenge them scholastically do not come to the conclusion that they are “better than everyone else”; instead, they feel a sense of community and are humbled, even inspired, by the intelligence of their fellow classmates.
This myth of elitism is common in classrooms and educational circles. It inhibits gifted students from finding their place and is a contributing factor to the dropout rate of our highly gifted, but underachieving, students.
Five Ways Parents and Teachers Can Help Gifted Children Develop Their Talents and Develop Social Skills To Get Along With Others:
1. Initiate “the (gifted) talk.” The sooner you and your child can openly discuss giftedness, the sooner your gifted child will feel comfortable with who he is and what he wants. Using the “Eight Great Gripes of Gifted Kids” as a springboard can help you and your gifted child navigate your way through myths and misconceptions.
2. Encourage gifted children to concentrate on what they learned not what they earned. It’s easy for gifted kids to lose sight of the fact that not everything that can be measured matters, and not everything that matters can be measured.
3. Praise and critique separately. When praise is coupled with criticism, it is usually the latter that is retained. Even though both types of comments might be appropriate and important, it’s best to mention them at two separate times.
4. Know when to praise and when to keep private things private. Although well-intentioned, posting A+ papers on chalkboards and refrigerators can cause social discomfort and alienation for gifted kids.
5. Explain the difference between self-image and self-esteem. Gifted students tend toward perfectionism, so helping them see both the connections and distinctions between self-image (i.e., their perception of their abilities) and self-esteem (i.e., the importance they place on their abilities) allows them to be more selective in their quest for excellence.
Commitmentnow.com: What misconceptions and stereotypes do gifted children face?
Ms. Galbraith: Some of the more common misconceptions include:
• “Gifted kids are equally mature in all areas—academic, physical, social, and emotional.” Understanding that the minds of gifted children can develop at one rate while their bodies and emotions develop at another (a concept called asynchronous development), and that such an uneven progression is normal, can help teachers and parents overcome this myth.
• “Gifted kids have it made and will succeed in life no matter what, so they don’t need any special services or help in school or anywhere else.” Everyone needs some help to make the most of their abilities and succeed in life, even kids who seem to “have it all” from the start. Encouragement, nurturance, challenge, and education need to be constants in a gifted child’s life if she is to reach her full capabilities.
• “Gifted children are all alike.” There is no one “portrait” of a gifted student. Talents and strengths among the gifted vary as widely as they do with any sample of students drawn from a so-called “average” population. Some educators distinguish between academically gifted and socially gifted; between highly gifted and normally gifted; and between highly creative and highly talented students. Many other breakdowns and categories exist.
Commitmentnow.com: What social pressures and challenges do gifted students face?
Ms. Galbraith: Gifted students’ desire to belong and be accepted is as strong as for any other child, but they tend to have more anxiety about it.
Some of the specific social pressures facing gifted students include: overcoming the barriers of others’ expectations, becoming an advocate for their own self-interests, and understanding the role socialization plays in their lives.
Teachers can help alleviate these pressures by showing gifted students how to evaluate themselves and their achievements more realistically, reevaluating their own curriculum to provide an environment that encourages choice and active participation, and paying special attention to any decline in the quality of work of their gifted students.
Commitmentnow.com: What emotions do gifted kids grapple with that can be difficult at times?
Ms. Galbraith: Feelings of alienation can result for gifted kids who have a difficult time understanding their own giftedness as well as the behaviors of others toward them. Isolation is an issue for those who feel overburdened by the pressures of others, and some feel they have few friends who truly understand them.
Gifted kids sometimes feel a sense of helplessness and hopelessness because they tend to worry more about world problems. They also have difficulty evaluating their lives relative to different measures of success, and they often have to cope with the frustration of having too many options.
Commitmentnow.com: Are gifted kids often perfectionists? If so, what can parents and teachers do to help them with this?
Ms. Galbraith: There isn’t substantive research that shows gifted people are more prone to perfectionism than others. Still, many students we’ve worked with and surveyed report struggling with perfectionism. This may be rooted in their awareness of quality and concerns about what’s “good enough.” They know the difference between the mediocre and the superior. Gifted kids therefore need support to persist despite “failure.”
Concerns students have with sky-high expectations are reinforced by the environment, particularly if they have had a string of early successes.
Finding a comfortable balance between encouraging your gifted child through times of failure-driven worry and knowing when too much praise is really too much is the key to helping the gifted perfectionist. Caregivers also need to love them just the way they are while showing them how to love themselves, too.
Commitmentnow.com: Is it hard for gifted kids to find good friends who understand them? If so, what are some ways they can find friends who give them a sense of understanding and belonging?
Ms. Galbraith: Making and keeping friends is a skill that challenges gifted kids, and all kids. That being said, gifted kids can experience feelings of “differentness” that make it more difficult for them to have the personal confidence necessary for building lasting relationships.
For these kids, I offer twelve tips for making and keeping friends:
• Reach out.
• Get involved.
• Let people know that you’re interested in them.
• Be a good listener.
• Risk telling people about yourself.
• Don’t be a show-off.
• Be honest.
• When necessary, temper your honesty with diplomacy.
• Don’t just use your friends as sounding boards for your problems and complaints.
• Do your share of the work.
• Be accepting.
• Learn to recognize the so-called friends you can do without.
Commitmentnow.com: What special challenges do gifted girls face?
Ms. Galbraith: A lot of stigma surrounds girls and intelligence. Gifted girls have a special challenge because whereas gifted students are often active, exploring, and assertive by nature, generally girls are taught to be compliant, selfless, nurturing, and supportive of others. It’s an obvious contradiction that can cause long-term depression and low self-esteem.
Gifted girls are also taught to “dumb it down” in front of boys because intelligence, assertiveness, and self-assuredness are seen as masculine traits.
Parents can do many things to help their gifted girls work to their full potential; chief among them is fostering confidence whenever possible.
Moms of gifted girls can lead through example, by understanding and appreciating their own strengths and providing their girls with traditional and nontraditional female role models.
All caregivers should furthermore encourage gender equality in the household and outside of it.
Commitmentnow.com: Do minority gifted children face extra challenges?
Ms. Galbraith: Gifted minority students may not be recognized as talented because their gifts lie in areas that are celebrated by their ethnic group but not usually by Western society. Talents such as imagery, creativity, dance, and humor, are areas that educators in the United States have been slow to recognize as legitimate.
Additionally, minority students deal with social/emotional issues stemming from the pressures of living in two worlds simultaneously—the world of their ethnic cultural tradition and white society.
Minority students may therefore resist white authority figures as an act of solidarity with their ethnic community.
Minority students can also experience anxiety, guilt, or depression if they succeed in the white community, feeling they have separated themselves from their family or ethnicity. Parents of minority students should advocate for their child’s education.
Expressing appreciation for talents that are not recognized by the school system as it stands today can provide kids with the confidence and feelings of community they need to overcome the unique pressures they may be experiencing at school.
Ten Ways Teachers and Parents Can Help Gifted Children Feel More Accepted, Understood, and Included Both at Home and in the Classroom:
1. Keep yourself in the know about the needs and unique characteristics of gifted kids; be willing to make changes based on this knowledge.
2. Foster friendships between gifted kids who have similar interests.
3. Keep your listening skills sharp.
4. Advocate for gifted educational services.
5. Be respectful of the individual child’s strengths and weakness.
6. Expose kids to new ideas and role models of all shapes and sizes of giftedness.
7. Take advantage of opportunities—try looking at college and community resources.
8. Create an environment where risk-taking and mistake-making are both okay and positive.
9. Avoid sex-stereotyping and be sensitive to the experiences and beliefs of people from different cultural groups.
10. Be aware of the obstacles and needs gifted children face at school with peers and at home.
To purchase "When Gifted Kids Don't Have All the Answers" click here.
About the Authors: Jim Delisle, Ph.D. is Professor of Education at Kent State University in Ohio, where he directs the undergraduate and graduate programs in gifted child education.
Judy Galbraith, M.A., is the Founder and President of Free Spirit Publishing and author of several books for and about gifted kids. Jim and Judy are also the coauthors of The Gifted Kids Survival Guide: A Teen Handbook.
