Finding Happiness Now!

As women, we so often put our own happiness last. Kristen Houghton, author of "And THEN I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First", reveals the steps women should take to start claiming their own happiness!

CommitmentNow:  And THEN I’ll Be Happy is a book about how, as women, we often put ourselves last.  Your book explains how we can begin to reclaim our happiness.  What inspired you to write this book?

Kristen Houghton:  I wrote an article called "The Elusive State of Happiness" based on my own experience of always putting myself last on my to-do list and putting my own happiness on-hold. The article generated so much email and regular mail that I was overwhelmed and definitely knew there seemed to be an unhappiness epidemic of sorts. I selected 100 women from the mail I received and interviewed them coming up with 14 distinct stories that had a common theme: Women postpone their own goals and dreams for other people in their lives. We sabotage our own chances for happiness.

CommitmentNow:  Why do so many women sacrifice their own happiness trying to make someone else happy?

Kristen:  I believe this has a lot to do with conditioning and society. We're certainly not born this way. Even in 2010, women see themselves as the one who can and should take care of everyone else before they can satisfy their own needs. Our First Lady, Michelle Obama, has said that when their first daughter was born, she gave up her morning exercise routine, something she loved to do. But her husband kept the same routine as before the baby was born. You see this with a lot of couples. The mother always puts herself last. Society expects this. The mother is the one who sacrifices the most of her needs and wants.

CommitmentNow:  You don’t shy away from revealing your own problems with finding happiness.  Was it difficult writing about something so personal?

Kristen:  It was more a learning experience for me than a difficult one and it certainly was an eye-opener for my friends. In my life I am really a private person but every writer shows the raw nerve of themselves, whether in non-fiction or fiction. That's part of the honesty that makes for a good story to which readers can relate. 

CommitmentNow:  Many of us, upon becoming parents, focus so much on our children that we risk losing ourselves.  How can a woman parent without losing her identity?

Kristen:  I address this topic in Chapter 3, "The Key to Good Parenting: Crumbs From Caesar's Table - A Mommy Tale." When you give all your time and energy to your children, you are living on crumbs left over from their lives. Crumbs never will satisfy or nourish you. You have to reclaim your identity and let your children know that you are entitled to time for your own wants and that you have goals that you need to achieve. The best example you can give your children of a healthy, happy life is to live one yourself.

As mothers we refer to ourselves as someone's mom and so the world identifies us as such. We have to have our own goals to pursue and to be recognized as a name rather than a title. You are proud to be a wife, mother, daughter, but you are not an appendage to anyone else nor should you be.

CommitmentNow:  What is the “myth of perfection” and why is it harmful to women?

Kristen:  The "myth of perfection" is the idea that in today's world, not only can a woman have it all and do it all well, she absolutely must! In an interview in 1992, no one less than the great Katherine Hepburn said that the "perfection idea" was a horrible mistake for women.

Something has to give eventually for the woman who seeks to be perfect in all things and that something most often is her health. Many women self-medicate with alcohol or prescription drugs to maintain a facade of perfection. We do it to ourselves. Perfection is overrated, a little messiness in life is healthier.

CommitmentNow:  You write the popular “Relationships” column for Examiner.com.  Is there a connection between that column and And THEN I'll Be Happy?

Kristen:  Definitely. Women tend to take on the task of making relationships work and that is another way we put our happiness last. A relationship should enhance your life, not take away from it. Both partners have to bring things to the relationship table.
I'll be writing a blog in The Huffington Post soon focusing on women, happiness, and living a successful personal life. Being personally successful isn't just monetary, it is having good relationships that balance and work in harmony with the other aspects of your life.

CommitmentNow:  What are the first steps a woman should take on her path to happiness?

Kristen:   Seriously, get rid of guilt over not being the go-to person in everyone's life!

That's the first step. Guilt is a useless emotion that is only good if it makes you change unacceptable behavior or right a serious wrong. Taking care of your own needs is nothing to be guilty over.

The second step is to make short term and long term goals for yourself. Find out what you need to do to achieve a goal or dream. Don't postpone your own happiness. Twenty years down the road you will be more disappointed by what you didn't do than what you did do.

The third is simple: Make your happiness your # 1 priority.

Kristen Houghton is the author of the newly released book, "And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First." Published by GPP Life, her book chronicles  the true stories of real women who always seem to place their own happiness last on their exhaustive to-do list and offers solid solutions for creating a happy, healthy, personally successful life on your own terms.  She has been successfully writing, and speaking,  about women's issues and relationships for over ten years and is a frequent media contributor for television and radio.

An award-winning writer, critics hail her work as "fresh, insightful, sharp, sexy-funny, and sophisticated." Her articles appear in More Magazine, Salon, Hartford Woman Magazine, and the Hearst News Media. Kristen's popular nationally syndicated Relationships column for Examiner.com  has won praise from critics and readers alike. She will soon be writing a new column titled "Women, Health, and Happiness." 
Look for her blog coming soon in The Huffington Post.
Visit Kristen at: www.andthenillbehappy.com/

To purchase And THEN I'll Be Happy, click here.