Could The Things We Leave Unsaid Change the Story of Our Lives?: Cavanaugh Lee, Author Of "Save As Draft" Explores The Pitfalls Of Dating in the Internet Age

After a broken engagement, Ms. Lee, an attorney, began rereading her e-mails and discovered that she left a lot unsaid, "I will never save as draft in a relationship again. That I will mean what I say and say what I mean."

Cavanaugh Lee shares the story of her online love triangle in her novel, Save As Draft. She explains, "Love triangles are not for the weak or heart. I do not recommend them. In fact, avoid  them at all costs.;-)"

Commitmentnow.com: What inspired you to share your cyber-dating story in novel form?

Cavanaugh Lee: When I first started writing "Save As Draft," I didn't intend for it to be a novel. I wrote it therapeutically to get over a broken engagement. At some point, it took on a life of its own, and I realized that it was a timely story about trying to find love in the electronic age that a lot of women (and men) could relate to. That was when I thought - there's a message here so let's make this a book!

Commitmentnow.com: What did your cyber-dating experience teach you that you want to share with others?

Cavanaugh: I had only positive experiences with on-line dating. My friends - not so much. So, I really wanted to get across both the pros and cons of online dating.

On the one hand, it's a great way for people who work full-time jobs and don't have the time to go to bars or restaurants to get themselves out there. On the other hand, there are some eccentric folks who stalk the Internet so you have to be careful and approach cyber-dating with both eyes wide open.

Commitmentnow.com: If someone came to you looking for advice on cyber-dating, what five must-knows would you share with them?

Cavanaugh: 1) Be upfront and honest about who you are. Don't "edit" or "fabricate" your profile. Be you.

2) Exchange e-mails back and forth for several weeks before you meet up in person.

3) Proceed with caution when you do meet. Example: Don't ever let a guy pick you up at your apartment. Meet him at the location. Give our best friend his stats (name, number, e-mails, and where you are going)

4) Don't realy or hide behind cyber-dating. At some point, yo have to actually go on a date and communicate for real.

5) Put a realistic picture up. No "Heather Locklear" photos. (This goes hand in hand with #1 above).
 
Commitmentnow.com: Are you still cyber-dating? If so, how is it going?

Cavanaugh: Not at the moment (I'm too busy trying to finish my second book). But if I'm still single in a month or so, I just may! 

Commitmentnow.com: What was it like being in the midst of a love triangle?
 
Cavanaugh: Very confusing. Love triangles are not for the weak or heart. I do not recommend them. In fact, avoid  them at all costs.;-)
 
Commitmentnow.com: Do you blame the Internet for the end of two very important relationships in your life?

Cavanaugh: I only partially blame the Internet. There is never one factor that causes the demise of a relationship. For me, I had timing but not compatibility with one man and compatibility with one man but not timing with the other. For a relationship to work, you need both.

Commitmentnow.com: You wrote, "Because I realized that the main reason both of my relationships afiled was lack of communication. I went back and read all of my g-mail inbox and discovered that I had conducted both relationships over the internet, not in person. Worse than that though, I realized when I opened up my Draft folder that all the things I should have said (or sent) from Day One to both of these special men were still in my Draft folder-unsent." What do you make of this? Do you think all of us hold back when we communicate online?

Cavanaugh: It's always fear that prevent us from saying how we truly feel. Its fear of the response we may get. The problem with "communicating" on-line is that it gives us the perfect opportunity to hold back, to save as draft, or to delete altogether. It gives us that moment to re-think, rewind, and refuse to be fully truthful. When you're face to face, you just don't have that moment and as a result, there's no place to hide your feelings (unless you're a really good actor).

Commitmentnow.com: What was the hardest part of going through these break-ups? How are you doing now?

Cavanaugh: The hardest part of any break-up is the moment after you break it off. That's when it's the most raw. It's also when you  may idealize your relationship, thereby resulting in your going back to your ex. This is usually not the best course of action because the general rule is that if you break up wtih someone it means its not working, and if it's not working now it probably won't ever work. In other words, after you break up wtih someone - that should be it. The moments after are the most critical ecause they will determine whether you stick to your decision. 
 
Right now I'm doing great. My broken engagement happened nearly two years ago. I've had ample time to heal:-) I'm ready!

Commitmentnow.com: For women out there looking online for love, what advice do you have? Do you still primarily look online for love or are you trying to do more in real time?

Cavanaugh: I am a huge proponent of on-line dating. Why? Because I work two full-time jobs. I'm an attorney by day and a writer by night. I don't have the time to go out on the town searching for love! I barely have the time to walk my dog! The reality of the modern day is that it's more efficient for professional women to date online. But that said, online dating can only get us so far. After several weeks of e-mail exchanges, you got to meet in "real time."

Commitmentnow.com: What did writing this book teach you about men and yourself in general?
 
Cavanaugh: That I will never save as draft in a relationship again. That I will mean what I say and say what I mean. That whether I'm on the Internet or in person, I'm going to be real.

To buy Save As Draft click here.

About the Author: Cavanaugh Lee was raised in San Francisco and received her undergraduate degree from UCLA's School of Theater. After graduation, she worked steadily as a "wactress" for four years. True love (or so she thought) led her to the Deep South of Mississippi, and when the relationship imploded she stuck around South and received her law degree from UNC. By day, she is a prosecutor in Savannah, Georgia and by night she is searching for true love and working on the sequel to SAVE AS DRAFT.