Karen Casey: My own life is a testament that if you change your thinking, every thing else in one’s life has the potential for changing too.  Every thing begins in our mind, within our individual thoughts and if we want a different life, we simply must change the thoughts we are harboring.  
 

My own transformation began when I walked into the rooms of Al-Anon nearly 35 years ago.  I went simply because I hoped to learn how to control the drinking behavior of some one else.  Needless to say, I was disappointed when group members sent me home with the suggestion to “keep coming back.”  I discovered, eventually, that we can’t control other people, ever.  But we can control our own behavior.  

My behavior had been very unseemly for many years because of my extreme codependency.  Al-Anon truly opened my mind.  It also was my way into AA in short order where I had needed to be all along too.
 

My own recovery in the rooms of both programs is what made my life as a writer possible.  My first book, EACH DAY A NEW BEGINNING: DAILY MEDITATIONS FOR WOMEN, grew out of my angst over failing to find a secure connection to my Higher Power.  However, the act of writing so enhanced my sense of well being that I have continued to write.  

My connection to my Higher Power has improved greatly too.  I will write until the day I die, no doubt.  I have published 22 books to date.  Three are out print.  I do have another one in process right now which will be published in the fall, 2009.

I have a great life and could never have imagined the many blessings I now enjoy, and they are all because of getting sober and seeking help in AA and Al-Anon.  

And I’d like to add that even though I have been sober for many years, I still go to both AA and Al-Anon meetings multiple times a week.  We must “give away” what we have found in order to keep it.
 

Karen: Willingness to make changes of any kind is a decision that we can make and remake as many times as we need to.  I learned, as the result of 35 years of living the fellowship principles, coupled with my study of "A Course in Miracles" over the past 20+ years, that the shift in perception we make about the multiple details of our lives happens in small doses.  It has helped me to believe that any and every experience, along with every person crossing my path, is by “design.”  
 

This belief has allowed me to take in stride what’s happening as the next right thing on my journey.  This explains the past as well, particularly those parts of my past that troubled me in some way.  Those parts no longer do.
 

Karen: Looking at ourselves forces us to take responsibility for who we have become.  That’s not very comfortable for many of us.  We’d much prefer blaming others for how we are, what we think and especially how we react.  Taking full responsibility for who we are means the blame game that has been our “default position” for much of our life is over.  The good news is that it means we can become who we really need to be.  
 

The bad news is that the work for changing ourselves is only just now beginning.  And giving up our focus on others means we have no place else to look except in the mirror if we want a different experience.
 

Karen: We can choose to listen to noisy, often insistent voice of our ego or the quiet voice of the Holy Spirit, both of which share space in our minds.  When we let the ego have control of our thoughts and our actions, we will know no peace.  The opposite is true when we invite the Holy Spirit our guide to better thinking and acting.
 

Karen: Five simple new behaviors are: take a deep breath before responding to any question or request for involvement in an activity.  Say “you might be right,” rather than arguing a point with some one.  Say a quiet prayer for any one who seems to be having a difficult day.  
 

Prayer has the power to change our lives instantaneously while changing some one else’s.  Forgive others for whatever you imagine they have done to you.  And forgive yourself for your judgments of self and others too.  Forgiveness changes how every thing looks and feels.  
 

Karen: The activity that helped me the most with his issue has been my involvement in Al-Anon.  I have been a regular at 12 step meeting for nearly 35 years. Detaching from the behavior of others has been the most freeing thing I have ever experienced.  It takes constant reminding that what others do and say is about them and not me but the practice pays off.
 

Karen: This is the classic definition of codependency and I think the most valuable solution is to attend 12 step meetings, particularly Al-Anon.  We need not ever let others control how we think or behave.  It’s our choice to do that.  And we can make another choice.
 

Karen: Seeing the best in others simply makes us feel better about ourselves.  It does injury to our self-esteem to sit in judgment of others.  And it pollutes the atmosphere around us too.  What we “put out there,” comes back to us rather swiftly.  As we see the good in others, we are more able to see the better part of ourselves more readily too.  Every thought multiplies in kind.
 

Karen: There is really no better solution for this than frequent attendance at Al-Anon meetings.  Learning to live a life of detachment, with love, whether the alcoholic or addict is sober or not, is not only possible but a guarantee that gets made by every one who is a regular at Al-Anon.  My commitment to this program has made my life peaceful.  The actions of others, regardless of what those actions might be, doesn’t rob me of my peace unless I let them.
 

Karen: I was first introduced to this idea in A Course in Miracles.  But I then realized that recognizing the spirit in any one of us draws us together in a very special way.  Seeing my fellow companions, any where, from this mindset, nurtures a very different kind of exchange between us.  We begin to feel like our encounters are intentional and God inspired and that makes us aware of how very special every moment with any one is.
 

Karen: 
1. Ask God for guidance every morning.  

About Karen Casey, Ph.D: Karen Casey, Ph.D. has more than 3 decades in AA and Al-Anon.  She made a commitment to women and men in recovery from the moment she walked through the doors of a 12 Step meeting.  Her work as a writer for people in recovery, coupled with her work as a lecturer and workshop presenter, followed.  Her first book: EACH DAY A NEW BEGINNING: DAILY MEDITATIONS FOR WOMEN was written in 1982.  It was followed by THE PROMISE OF A NEW DAY in 1983 and another 19 books since then. (She currently has another book in process.)  Her most recent work has been focused on helping women and men create more successful relationships.  FEARLESS RELATIONSHIPS; CHANGE YOUR MIND AND YOUR LIFE WILL FOLLOW; ALL WE HAVE IS ALL WE NEED; IT’S UP TO YOU, and CODEPENDENCE AND THE POWER OF DETACHMENT, are all books that offer very practical suggestions that individuals can adopt to make their relationships more successful and more peaceful.  Karen has spoken to thousands of people throughout the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Ireland and Germany.  

To read more about Karen, visit her web site: www.womens-spirituality.com