Answer: I have an article on my website entitled "The Top Ten Ways to Beat Work Stress" that gives the best tips I know of for enjoying our jobs more.  Here is the link to the entire article (http://www.work-stress-solutions.com/stress-management-tips.html). But if time is short, I have also provided these top ten ways as a list for quick review below:

 

1. Stop shooting for perfection.

2. Take your entire lunch break.

3. Stop gossiping.

4. Dress for your sake and your success.

5. Admit your mistakes.

6. Make a regular date--with yourself.

7. See where your work makes a difference to others.

8. Make friends at work.

9. Watch your (negative) language.

10. Simplify.

 

Answer: Find five things that you are honestly grateful for in your current workplace.  Gratitude is the answer when you are feeling down or even just bored.  We are taught to focus on what doesn't work, and this is a great skill if there is a problem or a decision to be made.  But staying stuck in "what's the problem" leads to low morale and stress.  

Find five reasons you are thankful to your employer and write them down.  Don't just list them and move on.  If this feels artificial, think about the alternative, so that you really see where some things are going well.  This would sound like:  1.  I DON'T have benefits.  2.  I DON'T like even one of my co-workers. 3.  I DON'T have a climate-controlled office...and imagine what that reality would be like.  

None of this is working?  Well, imagine that your management is coming down the hall to let you know that you are no longer needed in your position.  What if that happened?  And what if you were given one more chance?  How would you act in this very moment? You'll be feeling grateful in no time!

 

 

Answer: First, and most importantly:  why are you using a "people skill?”  Is it to get the outcome YOU want, or is it to communicate better with a co-worker (who has a right to the outcome they want too)?  Get your head straight first, and then use the wonderful techniques available to us for communicating with people who think or act differently from ourselves.

Secondly, listen fully, and then provide your view.  We usually do this in reverse...I'll give my viewpoint and then let you get a word in edgewise, while I formulate my reply in my head to your comments while you are speaking to me.  We really only half-listen and we rarely try to fully understand what the other person is saying.  

Next, remember that 93% of your message is communicated NON-verbally.  Pay more attention to your body language and tone than to your actual words.  A negative facial expression or a lack of eye contact will send a terrible message, no matter how well worded.

Answer: Personal mastery comes from personal understanding.  We need to do the internal work before we can effectively “play with others” or set out to achieve important goals. Some of the areas we can ask ourselves questions about to get to this personal understanding may include:


• What are we able to do for others at work? 

• What do we want to accomplish in our careers in this lifetime? 

• What do we stand for and does our work reflect this? 

• Where are our strengths and are we using them fully? 

And maybe more importantly:  

• Where are my weaknesses?  

• Am I comfortable with these shortcomings?  

• Can I accept that I am not perfect and make mistakes?  

• Do I see that everyone, including me, has a history that involves pain and disappointments?  

• Am I just about making money or do I have a larger purpose here?  

This isn’t about your private life.  It’s about your inner life.  I’m talking about that part inside of you that even your closest family members don’t know about.  The more time we spend in self-examination, the less time we have for judging others and their shortcomings.  Personal mastery will begin to unfold from this foundation.  It’s not something that you have to try to do.  It is a natural outcome from this deep, inner work.

Answer: The wise fellow we recently elected to the White House has said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  I would offer that this is great advice for our workplaces too.  Feeling unappreciated?  Where have you shared positive feedback with a co-worker?  Have you told your boss “thanks” for something they did for you?  Do you feel this is their job and they don’t need specific, timely, positive feedback?  Think again.  What you are lacking from others at work is the very thing you are withholding from them.   Try this out and you may be pleasantly surprised at the results.

Bored?  I used to run from boredom, but now I see it as a wonderful alternative to stress or overwhelm.  If I’m bored, I realize that things are calm and routine.  From that state, I can spice things up on my own terms.  I’d rather have days and days of certainty (boredom) then even one day of uncertainty (change I didn’t ask for).  

Answer: When we set goals, we usually come from a place of lack.  “I’m not thin enough.”  “I don’t have enough money.”  “I don’t like my job.”  When we shift our thinking to the results we want, instead of the ones we don’t currently have, we can start to notice the actions that we must take to get these results.  And an action repeated will result in a habit.  

Look at those that have the results you want.  What are they doing?  Success leaves clues, it has been said.  Something like 80% of our daily actions are habits.  If that’s the case, then let’s put habits in place that serve our desires and dreams.  If I’m doing something 80% of the time that helps me (like weekly planning), instead of gets in my way (like showing up late to meetings), then I’m well on my way to moving ahead in my career.

Answer:  Walk around. Manage your relationships and your time by taking a daily walk around your work area.  Greet and speak to people on your terms, when the time is right for you.  This will build relationships; let people know what’s on your plate for the day; and keep interruptions to a minimum.

1. Find a real friend.  The research is clear:  those with a best friend at work are much happier than those who don’t have a best friend at work (up to 90% of those surveyed that said they loved their jobs had a best friend in the workplace).  We spend so many hours in the workplace.  And our friends at home don’t really understand what it’s like at work---because they don’t work there!  Start exploring the possibility of a true confidante and share the mentor role between the two of you.  It will make a huge difference in your enjoyment of work.

2. See where you make a difference daily.  You are employed for a reason.  It’s not just about the piece of paper in front of you or the ringing phone.  What is the big picture of your role?  What about your department?  Your organization?  Connect the dots and do this daily.  We need to know as humans that we matter to our “tribe.”  This is a basic need and one that can be met through our work.

3. Laugh.  Make it light.  Find the funny.  Once we laugh about it, it’s no longer stressful.  Poke at yourself, not others.  Find jokes or comic material that can be shared with others that lightens the mood.

4. Shut the door behind you.  Find a way to figuratively shut the door once you leave the office.  Don’t take your stress into your home, gym, or to the gang at lunch.  We don’t sleep at work, why should our sleep be disturbed with work worries?  Create a process or institute some action that signals, “I’m no longer at work.”  You are in control of your thoughts…and your thoughts are what cause stress.  

Answer: The first thing to consider is “You CAN have it all…you just can’t have it all RIGHT NOW.”  Once we realize that it can’t all be done this year, we can start to focus on the top three priorities and let the rest slide (or eliminate the rest all together).  

Life is not a pie, where we create even slices of time for each of our main responsibilities.  Work takes a major hunk of time.  We get our physical needs met there (food, shelter, clothing).  We get our social needs met there.  We get our intellect stimulated and sometimes we even have a spiritual moment.  Many of our basic needs are met at work, and so we spend a corresponding amount of time there.  

Get your master’s degree AFTER the kids aren’t so dependent on you.  Go for that promotion that requires a ton of travel AFTER you have the master’s degree and so on.  When the word “balance” enters the conversation it’s typically an indication that we are cramming in all of our life goals at the same time.  Time is spread out for a reason.  

 

Answer: It’s one of the scariest times in our lives.  No question.  Treat it like a true loss.  Mourn it.  Be willing to take a break first, grieve, and work to restore yourself. Only then can you start dusting off the resume and looking for new work.  

You can’t go into a new situation when old hurts are still at the surface.  These incredibly strong feelings will show up in our tone and body language.  They will show up in our interview answers.  We must deal with the hurt and fear and then just get through one day at a time.  

Each day do one important thing to get you back into the workplace (or starting your own business).  Just one thing.  Looking at the want-ads doesn’t count.  Sending in a resume and cover letter to an ad you are qualified for does count.  Just put one foot in front of the other.  

Answer: When I get questions like this, I remember when I felt a lot of anxiety, pressure and worried about changes.  And what I found was that the things in my environment were not the problem. I was resisting reality.  It was as simple as that.  

I had ideas about what I wanted, what I preferred, what I desired.  And what was happening, didn’t match up with my internal expectations.  It wasn’t until I realized that this internal stress (and external unhappiness) was only making things worse, that I wised-up.  

For immediate help in looking at your internal desires vs. reality, see Byron Katie’s “The Work.”  Her ‘four questions and a turnaround’ on any human unhappiness is THE tool that got me focused on what I could impact---and to leave alone those things that were, frankly, none of my business.  Her worksheet is free, there are instructional videos, and even a free hotline with trained coaches waiting to help.  

My own website has a similar worksheet that complements Byron Katie’s work (as well as a link to her site), and many other free worksheets for processing your stress.  I guess I’m saying that my answer is that there is not just one way, but there are a lot of tools available to those that are willing.  

You have to be willing to step back and select your tool of choice.  A good tool will allow you to look at your thoughts, examine their worth, and possibly change your mind about some things.  This takes some humility and a dash of courage, certainly, but it’s not hard and it doesn’t take a lot of time.  You just have to consciously stop what you’re doing and help yourself.

The first thing I would offer is something called “The 3Gs.”  See if your problems with others are stemming from one of these three areas:

1. Generation.  We have four different generations all working under one roof for the first time in history.  Many of us have supervisors that are YOUNGER than we are.  This can be a real issue for someone who was once upon a time the youngest person in the department.  

A World War II generational view and a Millennial view will be very, very DIFFERENT, but neither is right or wrong.  Read something online or the book “Generations at Work” for a full understanding of the influences our generations have on our work ethics and career choices.  Recognize that you have a gift to bring from your perspective and SO DO OTHERS.  

2. Geography.  I don’t mean cross-cultural or globally either.  The NE in the United States and the SE are very different places with very different perspectives.  We can rub each other the wrong way, and be completely unaware of what we did wrong.  Accents, the use of swear words, discussions on religion, clothing…the list goes on and on.  We are a product of our environments, at least as we are growing up, and we may not even realize that some of our mannerisms are irritating.  And some of the things that irritate us are things that are just normal regionalism for that person.

3. The third G is Gender.  Men are from Venus, etc.  Read up on these differences.  It wasn’t until I had my son that I finally had to admit---boys are different from girls.  We think differently and, yes, we are still socialized differently.  This shows up in the workplace, and we need to modify our interactions to take this reality into account.

Every mistake I could list comes down to one factor: trust.  Are you trustworthy?  And do others trust you?  Do you surround yourself with trustworthy people?  Can you trust the people you work with?

The definition of trust, according to Dr. Steven Covey of “Seven Habits” fame is … competence and character.  We must have BOTH of these traits to be viewed as trustworthy.  Likewise, the people in our lives must exhibit these two traits for us to view them as trustworthy.  

We must be good at what we do (competence) and we must do it with consistency and authentically (character).  If one of these is lacking, the other doesn’t matter.

About Stephanie Goddard Davidson:  She is considered an expert in workplace communications and specializes in leadership and interpersonal skills training. Her customers include MCI/Verizon, Bellsouth, Nextel, and Rollins Protective Services. Frequently appearing as a guest on radio programs and published in numerous articles on workplace communications, Ms. Davidson emphasizes the importance of selecting a career that fits your talents and desires and allows you to “leave things better off than you found them.”