Start Living the Good Life Despite Your Money Problems
Mina Parker, the author of "Less Is More" says after the financial meltdown last year, it is time for women to explore how to stay sane and happy despite our shrinking budgets.
Feeling money-obssessed in this time of shrinking budgets? Mina Parker, author of "Less Is More: Meditations on Simplicity, Balance and Real Abundance" published by Conari Press, discusses how focusing on our lack brings about more lack, while little splurges, like buying new ingredients to make a favorite dish, can help us expand our definition of success and fulfillment when we're facing hard times.
Commitment: What motivated you to write a book on how to live the good life in an environment of scarcity?
Mina Parker: I had written two other books, one called Half Full and another called Silver Linings in collaboration with the wonderful photographer Daniel Talbott, and looking around over the past year or so of financial meltdown all around us, it occurred to me that we all tend to forget sometimes that less really can be more.
So I decided to write Less Is More to explore some of the ways we can stay sane and happy in times like these. When we’re fearful of the scarcity, it controls us. When we can find little ways to see it as okay – even as a positive thing in some ways – we regain control of our ability to open up the good life for ourselves.
Commitment: Can we find comfort in our lives despite the economic problems we face?
Mina: Absolutely! There is hard scientific evidence that once basic needs are met, the circumstances of someone’s life actually have very little to do with their relative happiness. There are people with very little who are very happy, and some with a whole lot who are miserable. Outlook makes all the difference.
Commitment: How can we 'live the good life' in this environment of scarcity? As you so eloquently wrote, "Our circumstances force us into a corner, and things seem to be getting worse and worse. Everything's shrinking-our budgets, our resources, our hope. The only things growing seem to be the mounting pile of debts and our fear of the unknown. Is there any comfort to be had? Is there any way to live the good life in an environment of scarcity?"
Mina: When we’re steeped in fear and anxiety, we tend to forget about all the little things that will make us happy if we only let them. Think back to better times, and the kinds of things that made you happy then – it could be as simple as a phone call with someone you love, or a date night with your spouse. That stuff can still be done, and even some of the spendier things can be modified to fit your current budget. Dinner and a movie out can be dinner and a video in. Try it, commit to it, and enjoy!
Commitment: What are five ways we live simpler lives that feel more free, less complicated?
Mina:
1. Go with the flow – if you have a tendency to get overwhelmed
and shut down, make an effort to listen to those around you and take
their suggestions for what to do and how to do it. You don’t have to
solve every problem by yourself.
2. Clear your space – make a point of emptying out some of the
clutter on your desk, in your garage, or even in your fridge and
cupboards. You almost always need less than you have.
3. Take a bath – there’s just something about full submersion in piping hot water that reboots the system.
4. Write a thank you list every night – before going to bed take the time to jot down five things that you’re grateful for.
5. Ease up on yourself – take your focus off of how complicated things are and free yourself to see a clearer, simpler picture. It might surprise you.
Commitment: You wrote, "There's no better moment to pack your bags
and take the first steps toward that valley of love and delight, which
can be found right here and right now." Okay, what is the valley of 'love and delight' and how do we get there?
Mina: The valley of love and delight is from a lyric by Elder Joseph Brackett:
‘Tis the gift to be simple, ‘tis the gift to be free,
‘Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
In the song, we find that valley through the dual gifts of
simplicity and freedom, and we find ourselves there knowing it’s where
we’re meant to be. In order to get there, we only have to remember that
in all sorts of situations less really can be more.
We can embrace simplicity as a desired outcome rather than a hardship
we can’t control. We can understand that our outlook, our attitude, and
our ability to see the glass as being half full, again and again, day
after day, is the key to our happiness. We can seek out comfort by
remembering that all this is meant to be, that hardships are life’s
best teachers, and that suffering is a temporary state.
We can regain our footing and find our balance by recognizing that
shadows ultimately define and enrich the brightest days. We can throw
ourselves into new creation and transform our circumstances into new
opportunities by embracing a credo of recycling and renewal. Most of
all, we can give back and move forward through a daily practice of
gratitude and the intense joy it brings us.
Commitment: You suggest that when we are going through a rough time,
that we take comfort in the smell and taste of foods that hold a strong
emotional memory for us. How do we do this?
Mina: Chicken dumpling soup. Fresh corn. Tea with milk and
sugar. Those are a few of mine. Two of our closest friends are a couple
with very different comfort foods: his is steak and potatoes and hers
is brown rice with tofu and kale. So they have to trade off sometimes.
Food is one of the simplest ways I know to recharge. It engages our
minds, our memories, and all of our senses. And it’s even better when
we get to sit down at a table with people we love.
Commitment: You shared this quote in your book, "No man's fortune can be an end worthy of his being" by Sir Francis Bacon. What does this quote mean?
Mina: It would be a sorry state of affairs if our worth as human beings was equal to our economic net worth. Our individual worthiness goes far beyond our bank accounts, that’s obvious, but when money worries loom large we can give short shrift to those other qualities.
This quote reminds me that there are fortunes to be made and enjoyed that have nothing to do with money. Riches of friendship, honor, gratitude, laughter, and achievement—those are among the most meaningful end goals of our lives.
Commitment: You wrote, "We only have to be careful of welding our whole existence to that monetary goal."
What advice do you have for those who basically are living a life where the pursuit of money, whether necessary or unnecessary, has become the only goal?
Mina: It’s definitely tough to feel like less is more when it comes to money; we’d all pretty much like more money, no matter how much we have.
My advice for myself when I’m feeling money obsessed is to remember that focusing on the lack of something often brings in more of the same, while cultivating a feeling of prosperity can also bring in more of the same.
So I can focus on the things that make me feel flush, even it little ways: maybe it’s taking all that loose change to the bank, maybe it’s splurging on the ingredients for a favorite dish I can make at home, maybe it’s enjoying the luxury of time instead of money. Whatever it is, we owe it to ourselves to expand our definition of success and fulfillment beyond the narrow confines of a dollar sign.
Commitment: In the meditation titled, 'Bit by Bit' you wrote, 'Any simple action we do with a sense of purpose is multiplied through repetition." Why is this an important concept to grasp?
Mina: I often get dragged down by the “boring stuff” and catch myself thinking that those daily tasks aren’t really getting anything important done. But repetition and daily practice can literally move mountains.
Religious teachers know this, athletes know this, even someone knitting a sweater knows this: repetition can turn even the most mundane action into something precious.
If we’re looking for deeper meaning and greater simplicity, we might be surprised to find those things come more easily through daily repetition than through the occasional exploration of some lofty ideal up in the clouds. Think of this the next time you’re washing dishes, or writing an email, or tuning up your car. These little, hands-on things can seem trivial, but put them in their greater context and we can appreciate their importance.
Commitment: In the meditation "Resourcefulness" you included this quote "Bless your poverty and start getting new ideas." What new ideas can we get from 'poverty'?
Mina: I am not one to glamorize poverty but I do appreciate that, as long as our basic needs are met, there can be a wonderful ingenuity born out of a lack of resources. Children do better learning that there are huge rewards when everyone chips in. In difficult times when we must find ingenious ways of making do, adults and children alike can recognize the true value of things and, more importantly, of people and relationships. When we live lives saturated with everything we need and the possibility of getting everything we might ever hope to need we can easily lose sight of those values.
Commitment: Many of us get caught in a thought pattern of scarcity. We often feel like we don't have enough of what we need, whether it be money, time or friendship. So, how do we enjoy the happiness that comes in 'small bites'?
Mina: Here’s my thought pattern of scarcity: I don’t have enough of the things I think I need, like money, time, or happiness, and I have far too much of things I’d rather do without, like stress, fear, and dust bunnies. When I do catch a breath of something wonderful it seems all too fleeting, and the relentless pull of scarcity returns. Then it gets even worse—I take that opportunity to feel even more despondent, thinking about how great it is to feel great, but how cruddy it is that I don’t feel that way more often.
I was eating a piece of cake one day and feeling crummy at the same time, and it dawned on me: enough already! Cake eaten in small bites is still cake, just as happiness in fits and starts is still happiness. Every time you discount a moment of bliss just because of how quickly it comes and goes, you rob yourself of what could be a lovely experience, and drain the satisfaction that could otherwise refresh and renew you. Why bother? The next time you are happy, just enjoy. Simple enough. The next time you feel stressed, remember that five minutes of being calm or doing something you love is enough.
Commitment: On page 103, you quoted Albert Schweitzer, "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." How can we rekindle our own light when it feels like it is going out?
Mina: For me this idea of rekindling is really about two things: learning and teaching. The best teachers see something in us that we don’t yet see ourselves. They light a new flame, or reignite an old one. The best way I know to recover when we feel like our flame has dimmed or gone out completely is to become a student. This can be in a formal way, for example by signing up for a class, or in a more general way, just starting to look at the world from the perspective of what you can learn from it. We can also tap into our inner teacher, honing in on the spark in someone we know who might need a hand in their own learning process.
To Purchase "Less Is More: Meditations on Simplicity, Balance and Real Abundance" click here.
About the Author:
Mina Parker is a freelance writer, editor, and mom. Her other books for Conari are Half Full (2006), Mother Is a Verb (2007), 100 Good Wishes for Baby, (2007), Her Inspiration, (2007). She has also worked as an actor, a grant writer, and an administrator for several non-profits. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and son.
