Why Is He Afraid To Propose?
Is your guy afraid to get married? Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, authors of “Why Hasn't He Proposed?” offer advice on helping your guy overcome his fears of commitment.
CommitmentNow: What is 'male altarphobia'?
Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal: Male altarphobia is a the phrase we have coined that describes a man who is scared he is going to lose his unmarried edge if he steps foot on the aisle, more less goes down the aisle. These are men who are scared to ask those four simple words, Will you marry me?
Commitment: Why do you think so many relationships end up in 'limbo land'? What is 'limbo land' and how can a women get herself out of this place?
Matt and Tamsen: Limbo land is the place we get when the relationship is not going anywhere. It’s not over, but it’s certainly not moving forward either. A woman can get herself out of this place but making a commitment to herself to change the situation, set a deadline for the engagement to take place and make sure that the man she is with is the man she wants to be with forever.
CommitmentNow: Chapter 2 is titled, "The Pitfalls of Playing House." What are some of the reasons you think living together might prevent a man from getting married?
Matt and Tamsen: Living together provides a comfort zone without a true commitment. You have heard the phrase, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Living together can make a man complacent and allow him to believe this it’s enough of a commitment to keep you.
CommitmentNow: What advice do you have for women who are already living with their boyfriend, but who want to make it official and get married?
Matt and Tamsen: Women who want to make it official and get married must now go through a little “cohab rehab.
First, they must look in the mirror and administer a little self help but making sure they are taking care of themselves both physically and mentally. Are they getting enough sleep, keeping with their appearance, still slipping on that sexy little outfit from time to time? If the answer is no, knock it off!
Make sure you are always on your game and that you are just as hot as the day he asked you out. This is as much for you as for him.
Next, relationship intervention needs to take place. Give yourself a time frame and then have the “conversation.” But, make sure it’s done the right way. Let him know you love living with him and want to take it to the next level, don’t tell him all of your friends are getting married and you are sick of being single!
CommitmentNow: Does the idea of planning a wedding stress most men? If so, why?
Matt and Tamsen: Yes, a little ole’ wedding can be a scary thing for a big ole’ guy. The woman should avoid leaving around “wedding porn” (all the magazines, cakes, pictures of honeymoon resorts and catalogs of invites) Instead, let him know that you have it together, you will include him where he is needed and he can be rest assured you will handle the details that freak most men out (simply because it’s wedding overload).
CommitmentNow: Why is it important for a woman to nurture her circle of friends and remain somewhat independent in a relationship while waiting for his proposal?
Matt and Tamsen: An independent woman is a major turn on. No man, and we don’t care what he says, wants to be your only source of attention and love. My mom once told me that men can come and go, but your real girlfriends will be around forever. Nuture your friends, they will be there for you whether you are wearing a ring or not.
CommitmentNow: What are five ways a women can convince her significant other that marrying her will bring more fun and excitement to his life?
Matt and Tamsen:
1. Hang around happily married couples.
2. Make sure that you don’t stop having sex because you are living together or are now a couple.
3. Let him know that being married can be even more exciting because you will share things that only married people do.
4. Show him that “the old ball and chain” doesn’t apply to your relationship
5. Let him keep his friends and still have fun, reassure him that he won’t become a man without an edge.
Commitment: What are some behaviors that are big turn-offs and will probably prevent a man from ever wanting to propose?
Matt and Tamsen:
1. A woman who is needy
2. A woman who doesn’t have her friends and is only focused on her man.
3. A woman who wants to get married for financial purposes.
4. A woman how lets herself go physically
5. A woman who is solely focused on the big day and not worried about what comes later
CommitmentNow: Is it important that the man's family like the women he might marry?
Matt and Tamsen: It is important for a man’s family to like you, but it’s not critical. If you want make them allies, reassure them you only want the best for their son. Don’t be controlling, overbearing and in charge everytime you see them. Treat your soon to be fiancé with respect and love and in return, a good family will do the same to you.
CommitmentNow: What are some things a women should never say to her boyfriend if she wants to marry him?
Matt and Tamsen:
1. All of my friends are married
2. I just want my kids to have a father
3. Once we are married I can finally stop working.
CommitmentNow: If a man is hesitant to propose, what can a woman say to perhaps give him the incentive to marry her?
Matt and Tamsen: I am happy with you, but I really want to talk about the next step. If that is not where you are right now, I understand, but I need to know so that we can determine what’s best of both of us.
CommitmentNow: What are some of the relationship characteristics and behaviors that can predict whether or not the marriage will be successful, and worth getting into to begin with?
Matt and Tamsen:
3. the ability to communicate
4. a similar value system
5. a friendship
Matt Titus is a nationally recognized Dating and Relationship Expert, Reality TV Show Host, Matchmaker and Author. He works with singles and helps them find true love. What sets Matt apart is the fact he delivers relationship advice from the perspective of a man who played the field, learned from his mistakes and was given a second chance at love.
Matt hosted Lifetime's "Matched in Manhattan" a reality show based on his business and life as a relationship expert and newlywed. Plus, he has coached celebrities such as Carrie Underwood, through his nationally recognized Dating Boot Camp. Matt is a familiar faces on such shows as Martha Stewart, Tyra Banks, The CBS Early Show, The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet, Good Morning America, MSNBC, E!, and The Style Network, among others. Matt has also been featured in Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Elle, Life & Style, OK! Magazine, Forbes.com and The Huffington Post.
Matt is the founder of the Manhattan based Matt’s Little Black Book, a relationship coaching service.
Tamsen Fadal is an Emmy Award winning Television Journalist, Reality TV Show Host, Lifestyle Expert and Author.
As a career woman who has spent over a decade in front of the camera, and a relationship and lifestyle expert, Tamsen has mastered the art of balancing a successful career and a relationship. She works with women to show them how to proceed with confident, balance a relationship with their careers and dress to show off their best assets.
Tamsen starred alongside her husband, Matt Titus, in their show on Lifetime, “Matched In Manhattan” based on their business and life as newlyweds. Her lifestyle segment, Totally Tamsen, can be seen bi-weekly on WPIX-TV. Prior to this, Tamsen was a correspondent for the CBS flagship station, WCBS-TV. With more than a decade of experience, she has covered stories ranging from the war in Afghanistan to the Columbia Shuttle Crash to the London Bombings. Tamsen was awarded an Emmy in 2005 for her work as an Investigative Reporter.
Tamsen and Matt co-authored the books Why Hasn't He Called?: New York's Top Date Doctors Reveal How Guys Really Think and How to Get the Right One Interested and Why Hasn't He Proposed? Go From The First Date To Setting The Date. Matt and Tamsen provide readers with daily advice on their popular website, www.WhyHasntHe.com, where they answer questions via video about love, dating, sex, relationships and lifestyle.
Visit them at www.MattandTamsen.com and www.WhyHasntHe.com.
To purchase Why Hasn't He Proposed?Go From the First Date to Setting the Date, click here.
To purchase Why Hasn't He Called?: New York's Top Date Doctors Reveal How Guys Really Think and How to Get the Right One Interested, click here.